February 2012

Crippling fear

by Fabrice Calando on February 29, 2012

Crippling fear

Fear has a way of controlling your life. Sometimes it’s obvious, others times the control goes unnoticed for days or years. I’m still uncomfortable walking the streets at night. I plan ahead any outing I have. How am I going to get there? How am I going to get back home? I guess that can be expected considering I got stabbed and mugged there less than 2 months ago. Fear that involves safety is primal. It’s the one that speaks loudest to the lizard brain.

What about your fear?

You know the fear that prevents you from leaving the job you hate or asking for a raise, buying a new condo or speaking up. Fears like those feel primal. They keep you up at night and give you nightmares. They cause stress and make you breakout into a sweat. They’re consuming. The idea of quitting that job is scary — what will happen next? Will there be something better? Do I deserve something better? Of course for most of us, fears like money fears are created. There’s always another job, another source of income, a better way to save.

Look at any cat. Startle him and he’ll bolt out of the room but he won’t worry whether he’ll get fed tomorrow. He just assumes the food will be there and if it isn’t he’ll figuring out then. Why do you worry about losing your pay check? You can always figure it out then.

The thing about fear…

Fear can stifle you and fear can save you. Fear/discomfort/unhappiness has one great asset. It’s a warning sign that something has to change. You need to take a step back and educate yourself. And that’s when you realize that most fears you anticipate are created. If you can imagine it, you create it. Your cat isn’t lying awake at night thinking

Oh man, what if someone walks in and scares the bejeezus out of me????

He sleeps. He’s alert, but resting.

There’s a good chance I’ll never get stabbed again. I know I need to work on my fears. What do you need to change or work on?

(Photo credit: Melissa Wiese)

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Tagged as: anticipation, cat, created, fear, job, Julien Smith, lizard brain, made up, melissa wiese, money, nightmares, primal, quitting, Salary, save you, Seth Godin, step back

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Hack Your Life Project | Set your limits

by Fabrice Calando on February 27, 2012

Hack Your Life Project | Set your limits

“I don’t know” — so easy to say, but so damaging. They’re words that hand over control — control of the conversation and, ultimately, your life. This week’s challenge was harder that I thought it would be. Old habits die hard I guess. All the way up to Sunday evening, I heard myself answering “I don’t know.” But as Tim Ferriss says in The 4-Hour Workweek (Affiliate link), “the objective isn’t an outcome […] but the process.” The process of stretching the programmable system that is life and get better as each day goes by. That’s what I got this week.

One of the advantages of the #HYLP is awareness. Each challenge draws awareness to the moments where I can do better. I wasn’t able to stop my indecisiveness altogether, but awareness is half the battle. I now notice when I say it so that I can stop it.

#HYLP Challenge #9: Don’t say yes to everything

There’s a difference between being helpful and saying yes. Often we say yes to something we don’t really want to do or won’t have the time to do. We think we’re being helpful, but we’re really just looking please others. But just because we say no doesn’t mean we’re being unhelpful. So this week will be about saying no to anything won’t get me fired or in too much trouble.

Why?

Like last week, this week’s goal isn’t about an outcome, but a process. In this case, getting comfortable with saying no. It’s about control again. More often than not, we shy away form saying no because we’re afraid to disappoint. Accepting every request interrupts us from doing the work we need to do. Saying no helps to eliminate distractions and do great work.

Being comfortable with no allows you to do your best work, and that’s when you’re the most helpful.

Past challenges

If you’re new here, on the first week of January I started the Hack Your Life Project. Each week I challenge myself to explore the details of the programmable system that is my life and stretch its capabilities, as opposed to most of us, who only prefer to learn the minimum necessary. I no longer want to breeze through my life, but take control of it.These are the past challenges:

  1. Hack Your Life Project | Get rid of excess clothing
  2. Hack Your Life Project | Turn off the electronics
  3. Hack Your Life Project | Hello stranger
  4. And then…everything changes | The happyness metric
  5. Hack Your Life Project | Do
  6. Hack Your Life Project | Weekends and evenings
  7. Hack Your Life Project | Take a break
  8. Hack Your Life Project | Be decisive

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Tagged as: #hylp, challenge, control, distractions, don't say yes, great work, hack your life, hard, helpful, interruptions, Life, objective, outcome, please, process, programmable systems, project, say no, stretch, the 4-hour workweek, tim ferriss

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Hack Your Life Project | Be decisive

by Fabrice Calando on February 20, 2012

Hack Your Life Project | Be decisive

Taking a break… I thought this challenge would be easier, but it turns out taking a break and spending a few minutes with yourself and your thoughts usually takes a backseat to day-to-day life. And that’s sad. Taking a step back allows you to grow, recharge and tackle the challenges ahead.

I’m usually able to take 5-15 minutes each day just to think, but this past week was hectic and the time was hard to find. Luckily, I found the ideal “alone-time” space…the shower! When all else fails, use your time in the shower to reflect on the day ahead and the day that’s past; on the week that’s coming and the one gone by; on the unknown road and the one just travelled.

Did you manage to find some time for yourself?

#HYLP Challenge #8: Ban the words “I don’t know” from your vocabulary

When I was young most of my answers involved the words “I don’t know.” In fact, our neighbours kept making fun of it…it was my thing. It allowed me not to answer questions like “what do you want to eat?” that I really had no interest in answering. It might be cute when you’re a kid; when you’re older, it’s a way to avoid important decisions, to hide and to foster fear. In The 4-Hour Workweek (Affiliate link), Tim Ferriss proposes to

[s]top asking for opinions and start proposing solutions.

And that’s what we’ll do this week. When someone asks for your opinion, answer decisively. Offer a solution.

Asking for your opinion involves questions like “What do you want to eat?”, “What do you want to do?”, “What did you think of the conference?”, “What’s your solution?” or something similar. Some answers Tim recommends are:

“Can I make a suggestion?”

“I propose…”

“I’d like to propose…”

“I suggest that… What do you think?”

“Let’s try… and then try something else if that doesn’t work.”

If you use “I don’t know” as a way to postpone your answer and think about your answer; don’t. Use “Let’s think about it. How about…” instead. It allows you to take control of the conversation.

Why?

Simply put, this challenge is to take control of your conversations. Indecisiveness is a burden on yourself. Not proposing a solution of your liking pretty much guarantees you won’t like what’s going to get done. The whole purpose of the Hack Your Life Project is to take control of your life by stretching its capabilities. If we can’t give an opinion when asked, then we prefer to do the minimum necessary…

Propose a solution, take control.

Past challenges

If you’re new here, on the first week of January I started the Hack Your Life Project. Each week I challenge myself to explore the details of the programmable system that is my life and stretch its capabilities, as opposed to most of us, who only prefer to learn the minimum necessary. I no longer want to breeze through my life, but take control of it.These are the past challenges:

  1. Hack Your Life Project | Get rid of excess clothing
  2. Hack Your Life Project | Turn off the electronics
  3. Hack Your Life Project | Hello stranger
  4. And then…everything changes | The happyness metric
  5. Hack Your Life Project | Do
  6. Hack Your Life Project | Weekends and evenings
  7. Hack Your Life Project | Take a break

Related Posts:

Tagged as: #hylp, challenge, day-to-day, do, easy, electronics, excess clothing, grow, hack your life, happyness metric, hello stranger, I don't know, indecisiveness, Life, meditate, opinion, questions, recharge, solutions, spending time with yourself, tackle challenges, take a break, take a step back, take control, the 4-hour workweek, thinking, thoughts, tim ferriss, uncertainty, vocabulary, weekends and evenings

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What is average work?

February 17, 2012

Average work is work that comes after someone says: It’s always been done that way The boss wants it like that It’s good enough I don’t have the time to… I guess it can be done that way I’ll just do it quickly Someone else will do it No one wakes up in the morning hoping [...]

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A few thoughts about passion at work

February 15, 2012

TIMC — my new employer — asked me to talk about passion at work during a week-long workshop centered around the theme of passion. I’ve spoken about LinkedIn before and I’ve spoken about failure, but this was by far the hardest talk I’ve ever given. That being said, I’d love to have the opportunity to [...]

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Hack Your Life Project | Take a break

February 13, 2012

The weekends and evenings challenge was about shutting down my mobile phone and taking control of my digital communications. Mobile phones get you addicted to “more”: More emails More Facebook messages More Tweets Just more… You unlock your phone to see if your friend’s sent you an email, you start reading a couple other messages, [...]

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The worst (business) advice I was ever given

February 8, 2012

As you move through your career, leaders and managers share some of the things they’ve learned along the way. It’s really meant to help you. Teaching and transmitting knowledge is something humans excel at. Unfortunately not all advice is great. Years of misinformation When I first started working, I was in a meeting with our [...]

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Hack Your Life Project | Weekends and evenings

February 6, 2012

As the week winds down, I find myself having learnt quite a bit. I’ve learnt how to organize my “to do” lists — important stuff gets done now and the rest gets scheduled out in order of priority. Here’s what you want to remember: Specify the exact time when you’ll do the task. You know [...]

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Back to our regularly scheduled program

February 3, 2012

Once in a while TV stations interrupt shows to broadcast major events – government speeches, news report, weather events, etc. but soon enough they return to their regularly scheduled program. Like TV stations, after any major incident, we just hope for things return to normal — we look to return to our regularly scheduled program. “Normal” is what [...]

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Using Facebook to find a job

February 1, 2012

Personally, LinkedIn is still my preferred site to assist with a job search. But denying the impact Facebook and its more than 800 million members can have is ignoring a powerful job finding tool. In many ways, Facebook was the site that helped me land my first advertising job. Facebook is a great way to [...]

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